Promoting financial transparency in Marriage?

Last week we looked at some reasons for lack of transparency in dealing with finances in marriage. We saw how this causes conflicts in marriage and how it has led to divorce in many cases. It is an unfortunate thing that couples could end up divorcing because they are failing to be responsible enough and deal with such obvious issues.

Transparency is key in a marriage relationship. Marriage is team work and teamwork builds on mutual understanding, equality and transparency.

The unfortunate thing is that these days there is so much secrecy in marriage and so much selfishness and hardheartedness.  The reason for this is that we are doing marriage out of lawlessness. Lawlessness is rejecting the word of God for all we do and doing things own our own. The word of God is the law of life in this life. Without it we are wandering in the wilderness and harming ourselves.

In Philippians Chapter 2 Paul says, that nothing should be done through selfish ambition or conceit but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Selfish ambition is the chief cause for conflicts and all other squabbles in our relationships. This is an attitude that we need to help each other defeat so we can learn to love each other in marriage and in life general.

Today I want to focus on how we can promote financial transparency in our marriages.

• Be transparent in other things first.

It will be very hard to deal transparently financially before learning to be transparent with other issues in marriage.

Remember that money can be a god to you if you are not careful and has such a controlling spirit with it. Victory comes when a couple learns and lives a transparent life in all other areas.

How open are you to your spouse? Is there anything you are not comfortable sharing with your spouse? If you cannot share, simple things, you will not share money. Learn just to be open and vulnerable. To be vulnerable is not a weakness but it is the source of power. Paul says when I am weak I am strong. I know that because of our socialization, we are not comfortable with being vulnerable to our wives as men. Lay it all bear and let your spouse read you as a book and know you. Many couples do not know each other because they are hiding from each other.  Do not hide friends, business deals, outings and so forth. I can assure you that when you hide these, you will hide money in order to finance such.

• Be willing to learn new attitudes.

We have been socialized in a particular manner regarding our relationship with money. The way we relate with money becomes a culture thing. We have also been taught that wives have no business knowing how much money the husband makes or has. They must not even demand to know. You see there is a lot that we learnt on the way which is becoming a stumbling block now. Others learnt that the working wife should be the one putting on the table how much she makes. The husband cannot be questioned. Other ladies work and the husband takes all the money and must not be questioned too. I mean there has been a lot of socialization done in our cultures and traditions that is harming us now.

The need for this generation to de -learn some things and change mindsets is so high. If we do not change and learn new but biblical things, we are in trouble in our relationships.

We need to be willing learners. I know that change is painful but it is very necessary. Unless we renew our minds, we are not going to enjoy the transformation we need.

Beloved, in marriage we share things and we hide nothing. At least I am talking about a healthy marriage here. The culture of hiding things and killing transparency is not a human culture or tradition. It is a sin culture. Remember that it came through sin in Genesis 3. We cannot be proud of it and say it is our culture. I have a challenge in that most of the things we call human culture are actually demonic doctrines. Couples in this generation need to take time to de-learn and learn to do marriage in a manner that responds to the current context. I encourage you to get together and start somewhere if you are struggling.

You cannot expect the blessing of the Lord to flow in your marriage when you are so divided and abusing each other and stealing from each other.

The God of heaven does not prosper thieves and robbers. There are many such in marriage these days. We can de-learn and learn new things.

 

Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment program and is pastor, counselor and author of The Sex Trap.

The Sex Trap

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