Marriage is abused

 

I am one of those who believe that Marriage is being abused in this generation. The abuse, violence, murder, divorce, adultery and many others in marriage today clearly show that we do not fully understand what marriage is all about and we are clearly abusing a ‘Holy Sanctuary which God loves’ (Malachi 2:11c) We would not be experiencing the pain and shame we are seeing now in marriage if we really knew what Marriage is in God who created us and created Marriage. Anything whose foundational purpose is not known is bound to suffer serious abuse.

 

There is one thing that must be upper most in our hearts and minds when we think of marriage. We ignore this to our own peril. I would not care much how you want to define or understand marriage but as long as you do not understand it from the perspective of God you will suffer many things in your marriage. Do not try and understand marriage from your cultural point of view because no human culture created marriage. We are all trying to bring our cultures into an institution that has its own foundational purpose different from our cultural purposes of marriage. Beloved, for marriage to serve its purpose, it must be done God’s way and be understood for what it is in Him. So what then is marriage according to God? I will just look at one principle.

• Marriage is a covenant and not a contract. Malachi 2:14. “…it is because the Lord is acting as witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.”

 

Proverbs 2:17 “.who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God.”  In the plan of God and in His scheme of things, marriage is a covenant. When we enter into marriage we are entering into a covenant and He is witness to this. That is why the Bible teaches that “what God has joined together let no man separate”. Mathew 19:6. What am I saying here? If we do not embrace the concept of covenant in marriage we do marriage outside its original purpose and abuse it in the process. Covenant is an irrevocable and indissolvable           commitment valid until death. It does not depend on the performance of either party in marriage. Marriage therefore is not about performance and perfection like most of us think.

 

Today many couples are divorcing because of performance issues in marriage. Performance is a contract issue and not a covenant issue. The concept of contract is a bilateral agreement between two parties totally dependent upon performance of agreement. If one party fails to perform, the other party has no obligation to perform either .It suggests that if you are no longer happy you leave and get another one who can make you happy. The contract concept brings about a lot of competition, revenge and antagonism in marriage. Instead of becoming one flesh, couples pull apart and become more strangers to each other. Couples fail to protect each other and allow the devil to manipulate them and send them for a divorce. The biggest pain in my heart is that people in the church are also falling victims to this humanistic teaching on marriage emphasizing on individual rights putting a dividing sword between couples.

 

Marriage is bleeding all over the world because we have as church too, embraced societal values and ignored the covenant value of God in marriage. In a covenant marriage, two people seek to become one. This is the one flesh concept God seeks. You see the goal of marriage is ONENESS. This is the reason why God did not create the woman from soil like He did with the man. He created the woman from Adam’s flesh as an emphasis of the One –flesh concept. In Marriage you are one and must work towards becoming one so as to witness to the relationship Jesus has with His believers. In a covenant marriage we seek each other’s total joy, welfare, growth and completeness. Your failures are mine. Your pain is mine. Your victories are mine too. We celebrate each other because we are one. We share everything. That is why Jesus teaches us in Ephesians as husbands to treat our wives as our own bodies. It is because you and your spouse are one.

Unfortunately today we have abused marriage so much it has lost its spiritual mandate. Marriage is a covenant and is an earthily picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church. If we look at the way you relate with your spouse, we must see Christ and His church in your marriage. If not, you have abused not only your spouse but Christ. My prayer is that before the courts grant divorce, they send couples for Christian counseling on marriage. We need to fight this abuse of marriage.

Kilton Moyo is a pastor, guidance & counseling consultant and author of the Sex Trap. If you want to contact him, email to fruitfulmarriages@gmail.com

 

 

Creating an atmosphere of success in marriage

Both success and failure depend on atmospheres. Atmospheres are very important and are created. Some atmospheres can break us while others can make us and inspire us greatly. Marriage too thrives on atmospheres and the couple is responsible for building an atmosphere that can either make them up or break them. I have always said this that, it is you who make or destroy your marriage. It is never about the 3rd person. It is the things we do as couples or the things we do not do that create atmospheres in our marriages. I want to show you a few things that create a positive and empowering atmosphere in a marriage. Every couple can afford these, it’s all about choice. When the following take place, success is given.

 
Jesus is at the center of the marriage
When the word of God is the cornerstone and foundation of your marriage, the atmosphere is so relaxed and so empowering. The word of God is the fuel and the character of everything that is done in a successful marriage. Anything built outside the Word of God is temporary and vulnerable and bound to end anyhow, anytime.

 
Unity is the mainstay of the relationship
Unity keeps couples together even in storm times. The Bible teaches that where there is unity God commands a blessing even life forever more. Winning couples promote unity by doing more, the things that bring them together than divide them.

 
Love is genuine and unconditional
Couples love each other without strings attached or without doing anything to ‘deserve’ love. Where love is free flowing, forgiveness becomes normal. Couples encourage each other to achieve more. Couples carry each other’s burdens and they take pleasure in motivating each other and pushing each other towards their set goals. Love is the true atmosphere and true maker of relationships. Love each other genuinely, do love things and grow in loving and not in squabbles.

 
There is admiration for each other.
Admiring your spouse is the most single biggest confidence and love builder I know. Love blossoms and marriages flourish when couples admire, affirm and praise each other. When you lose admiration for your spouse, resentment creeps in and before you know it you are pulling so apart there is no coming back. To create an atmosphere that gives joy and happiness in marriage, always admire and praise even the smallest of things. Marriage gets stronger by building our love each time and love is built by small things. You do not need money to build love like the world thinks. Love is built by little actions, praising, affirming and admiring each other.

Credit from:  staffordsweddings.wordpress.com

Admiration is built around sweet words
Sweet words lack in most relationships in my mother Africa where people are always tough and harsh. My apologies. Words are the biggest creators of atmospheres in any human relationship. Marriage is a place of sweet words, inspiring words and affirming words. It is not a place of harsh, critical and scornful words. It is not a place of words of flattery and deceit. Love feeds on sweet genuine words that build the inner person in your spouse.

 
Playing together is a habit
Playing is not a childhood thing, it is a love thing. It is a romantic thing. Lovers play together to stay together. Adulthood has been robbed of a vital relationship builder which is play. Somehow we think we are too old to play and this is where we miss it. When couples play together, they not only feel young again but heal themselves from unnecessary tensions and relax their minds. Sometimes instead of watching TV and losing our relationships to Whatsap, just go out and play hide and seek or any other game and see the results. Put play in your atmosphere and see what happens. Playing is the most romantic thing you can imagine.

 
Transparence flows freely
Where there is transparence there is no suspicion and no secrets. An atmosphere like this promotes love and matures couples more. You are free with each other you have nothing to hide. Everything is in the open. I believe that all of us as couples need to give much of us to achieve this because it is key to love and to marriage. Just being sincere and honesty and loving are the best thing in marriage.

 

Where there is transparence there is no suspicion and no secrets

 
Giving to each other
This creates an awesome atmosphere in marriage. It keeps you thinking of each other and valuing each other more each day. It’s a habit of love that we need to create in our marriages. Giving is not an anniversary or birthday thing only but a daily thing. Love is a giver. Create an environment where you can spoil each other. Love thrives with giving.

 
Focusing on vision and purpose
Couples that have visions and understand their purpose as a couple will always create a vision building atmosphere at home. Where vision or purpose is known, an atmosphere is created to sustain and promote this. You can tell a couple with vision and that without. It shows in all they do and in the way they treat each other. Vision brings the two of you together as a team. The enemy seeks to divide you but when your vision unites you your marriage is too strong for storms around.

 
You see, we can create the necessary atmospheres in our marriages and see things shape up. It’s the duty of the two of you. I have always said this that marriage is work by two people, the husband and the wife. The only third person is God and no one else. Decide what you want, a successful marriage life or a disastrous marriage life. You hold the key.